Let's try again
by xJasmine
Summary: Zero and Kaname have another baby. Will Kaname get to see the birth this time? Darker than the summary implies. Slash, mpreg, Kaname x Zero


Haha! Kaname and Zero's second baby! Hope you guys enjoy this one… It's in Zero's POV this time.

Warnings: Angst, slash, and the rest I can't tell or it'll spoil the story… But please don't read if you've had not-so-happy experiences with pregnancy. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight is not mine.

-x-

At first I was skeptical… But then I came to anticipate the second child as eagerly as Kaname did.

I was unsure, because the memories of Ichiru kept coming back- I wasn't sure if I wanted another child, in case what happened to Ichiru and I happened again. But after much prodding –In certain places…- from Kaname, I'd finally given in.

Kiyomi was loud- very loud. Luckily, Kaname is able to race to the scene and deal with it before I even come off the bed. He doesn't seem to mind, so I just moan around and pretend I'm exhausted.

The nurse comes to visit us often- we call her Anita. She checks on Kiyomi and gives us reports, but I hardly listen. I know a perfectly healthy child when I see one.

I can't believe I'm a father now- yet when I look at that little bundle of pure joy and it all comes crashing onto me. Kiyomi depends on me for her survival. I could not fail her.

It was strange, I hardly knew this little girl, yet in a few short months I've become madly in love. She still drinks blood from the bottle, and now Kaname can anticipate her cries and needs. Before she even opens her mouth he's there, with whatever she needs.

I'm relieved I don't have to do it. Kaname thinks I'm sick, but it doesn't look like he really minds if I pitch in or not. In fact, I'm sure I'll mess everything up if I do. I hate to admit it, but from this point of view it looks like Kaname is the better parent.

It's amazing, when you see another child covered in mud, you just feel so disgusted, but when it's your own child, whether it's mud or blood or tomato sauce or paint, you think it's just the most adorable thing in the world, and you're scrambling for the camera. I love Kiyomi, and I like to think that she knows to love me too. Sometimes she looks up when I or Kaname starts talking, and she can follow our movements keenly. Kaname says she's a smart girl for her age. It comes from _my_ side of the family.

-x-

1st month-

I didn't need the bucket, but I was feeling a bit nauseous in the mornings, and sometimes at night.

"Are you sure?" That stupid pureblood asked for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Yes." I ground out, digging into the covers. I couldn't feel my toes. The winter had come early this year, and the air is freezing, especially nearing night.

He narrowed his eyes at me, and I was afraid he'd actually do something, until beloved Kiyomi broke the silence with a piercing cry, and I blinked, Kaname was gone. I sneak my hand between the layers of clothing until it touches my warm belly, and I imagine what it'd feel like when the child within starts to move, just like Kiyomi had.

The cries stifle soon, and I hear Kaname's low humming from the other room. It's decorated with rich reds and pinks and purples, a regal yet feminine room it was. I'd wanted the room blue, but Kaname shook his head and pointed out that Kiyomi was of course, a girl, and then he started asking me if there was something wrong, if I had wanted a boy.

Naturally, I'd just agreed with whatever he said from then on.

I put a hand on my stomach and sigh. I can almost see my breath floating in silvery wisps in front of me. Chilled, I grabbed the blankets and tucked them in a tight ball around my stomach, a whimsical attempt to keep my unborn child warm.

-x-

2nd month-

Anita has bought an ultrasound machine. She bought one! Just for us! I was jumping up and down in joy when I found out, and Kaname's face was priceless when he watched me freak out in all its forms. He probably never saw me so excited in his whole life.

I'm not like women who are clumsy, who fall and trip, who drink coffee and alcohol. I'm careful and a fierce protector. Nothing gets past me, or Kaname, for that matter. Because of that I'm sure the ultrasound will turn out fine, although Kaname keeps rambling on about his worries.

Anita says I can go get an ultrasound done on my 10th week. It's coming up soon, and sometimes at night I wake up, shaking in anticipation.

Kaname doesn't get nightmares anymore, and he sleeps soundly, sometimes putting his head on my belly. I've come to like this sleeping position. He doesn't fawn over me any more. Parts of me misses this, as much as I'd hate to admit it. Even Kiyomi seems to cooperate, and the days are noticeably quieter.

Things are so peaceful, and school is hardly stressful at the moment, I feel as if I am truly free for the first time.

I'd never known such bliss before.

-x-

3rd month-

Finally, we're on our way to Anita's office. I hold Kiyomi in my arms, and she sucks on a finger. When she releases it, I see a little bit of blood on her fingers- her vampire teeth must be growing already. When did human babies start teething again…?

Anita opens the door with a wide grin, and grabs for Kiyomi. I feel Kaname tense beside me, and chuckle. Anita has grown quite close to the little monster, and vice versa.

"Come in, Zero, Kaname…Sama." Anita still holds a tiny grudge against Kaname, but they seem okay to co-exist in this world in current times. I couldn't hold back a smile. Anita notices.

"Well, well… Look who's just shining today!" She pinches my cheeks, and I try to scowl, failing miserably.

"Well excuse me! I'm just rather excited to see my baby inside me for the first time…" The smile returns, and Kaname catches it too. I lie down on the bed and Kaname kisses my forehead. Things are being attached onto me, but I don't notice. I feel like I'm in a daze, like it isn't really happening. I pinch myself just to make sure. Ouch!

When Anita started to apply some cool gel onto my midsection, I was nearly shaking in joy.

She moved a round rolling thingie over my belly for a few moments, checking in different positions.

She was silent.

"Is that it?" Kaname pointed to the monitor screen, where there was a little peanut-sized growth.

"Yes…" Anita breathed, but something in her voice made my heart lurch.

"What is it?" I whispered, a chill washing over me.

A long moment later, she put away the detector.

"I'm so sorry…." From then on I heard nothing.

-x-

I couldn't believe it. There was no heartbeat. My baby is dead.

I remember screaming and clawing at the monitor, trying to see something, anything, but all I could see was my own heart beat and nothing more. Hot tears fell from my face, and hands were trying to restrain me from hurting myself. Kiyomi wailed in the background, and Kaname pulled me urgently into his arms and rushed out of the room. I sobbed into his shirt, gripping him hard- hard enough to hurt, but at that point I didn't really care.

Kaname whispered nonsense to me, and I cried into him like a little girl. I could tell he was shaken too, for even his rich velvet voice grew tremulous. "How…?"

Anita drew in a breath and put a hand on my shoulder. I had to resist the urge to shrug it off.

"It could be for a number of reasons, stress, and substance abu-"

"I DON'T ABUSE SUBSTANCES!" I shrieked at her, and she took a step back, eyes wide. Kaname held me tighter. I was losing my temper.

"I-it could happen for no reason at all sometimes… I'm so sorry, Zero…"

-x-

I couldn't bring myself to do anything but cry. I actually haven't seen Kaname in a while… I sigh and I can't help but wonder if he hates me now… Was it my fault? Anita had said it might have happened for no reason, but was she just saying that?

I sobbed into the pillow, pressing it to my face, smothering myself. Kaname must think I'm a sissy or something- that I should be over this by now. It's been a week, but I still can't get it out of my mind. This was worse than any nightmare I could've had…

How could this have happened? I'm so withdrawn now, I haven't hugged Kiyomi for days, and I hardly notice it when someone talks to me. Am I going crazy? I hold my pillow tighter, and close my eyes.

-x- Kaname's POV –x-

My nightmare had come true- except this was worse. I love Zero so much, and it hurts me to see him in such pain. It also hurts me to know that I can't do anything for him right now but to support him, but I don't know if he'll make it or not. Kiyomi cries for his embrace, and my heart aches for his love.

I don't know if I'll ever want another child ever again, after this.

I take Kiyomi into my arms and try to soothe her. Strangely, she's been crying for hours now- nothing I do seem to be able to calm her. Anita has suggested taking her to Zero, maybe Kiyomi misses him, but I don't know how he'll react to her.

-x-

A fresh layer of pain surfaced when the door closed and Kaname sat down next to me with our daughter in his arms, like it was the most normal thing.

We sat in silence, and I refused to look at him. I felt dirty, empty, and like part of me died with the unborn child. I sob.

Kiyomi's crying would be annoying to anyone else, but to me, it's the greatest sound in the world. I shift, and still avoiding Kaname's eyes, take her into my own arms. She quiets slightly, but is still crying.

"Zero…"

"…"

"Zero I know you're hurting…"

This was it. He's going to shun me. I turn away again.

"You don't care, do you?" I hiss, the words coming out more menacing than I'd wanted them to.

"What?" He seems taken aback. "I do care, Zero! I care as much as you do, and it just kills me to see you like this! Please, Zero, we'll get through this together, just… Just talk to me."

I should be happy, but the tears kept falling. My cheeks are starting to sting a little now.

I take a deep breath, and was just about to speak when a sudden pain shot from my collarbone. "Ouch!"

I look down to find Kiyomi's large brown eyes staring up at me, a tiny set of fangs embedded in the pale flesh there.

Kaname notices immediately and tries to take her away, but I grasp his wrists and pry them off. He gives me a strange look as I cuddle her, burying my tear marred face in her soft hair, feeling my heart fill with hope again. I couldn't give up just yet.

"I love you, Kaname."

"I love you more."

VKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVKVVKVKVK

Sorry guys for the sad ending. I can't stand all the happy pregnancy fics I see all the time. In fact, 1 out of 4 pregnancies actually end in miscarriage.

Will Kaname and Zero try again? Up to you to decide.


End file.
